Living but not surviving

It's a miracle that I'm still alive. 

This period.. ever since the semester started I guess it was really really really stressful and now that the stress level is all the way at the peak period.

I guess it's all so tiring because not only we have to handle the academic matters, relationships are part of it. 

I don't know why but everything was fine when we were in year one and two, and once we started year 3 everyone became so sensitive, and we always quarrel over trivial matters.

Every project for each module, there's something that's bound t happen. 

Things that we used to just brush it off, like 'it's okay la nvm' is no longer that simple anymore.

I really hate to see relationships on the verge of breaking. 

Tried protecting them, yet no one appreciates what you've did.

That feeling, just sucks. 

                           

                                    

but on the other hand, my poly school life is coming to an end in like 1 month's time.

Next month I'll be having my last exams in my poly life and out I go for internship! 

I don't know how to describe,  it's like I'm looking forward yet fearing for a more tiring life in internship. 

But there's no way I can escape from it either. 

So why not, embrace it? HAHA. 

3 years back, when I just started poly, I was sad that its gonna go a long way until I can 'reunite' with my bff.

Although we are in the same course, but I clearly know that the paths opened to us may differ quite a lot. 

So I was telling myself that it was okay cause we can always go for intern together.

But what I didn't expect was that we both would have different interests in different aspects.

and tada, here we are a level above our friendship.

When I've expected and prepared myself to go to Resorts World Sentosa, and most prolly we gonna end up there..

then she said she had interest in events planning and she went for mice company. 

I withdrew from RWS and yeah I think I've mentioned about this before.

No one will be there for me, forever, walking the same path. 

And so some days ago my mum asked me, what do I have in mind to do after I graduate from poly.

Truthfully, I don't know.

I started studying because I wanted to catch up with Jiaen and we will go to uni together. At this point of time, I'm so sick and tired of studying and going through what I've went through in poly all over again is just...a no no to me.

Not like with my GPA I'll be able to enrol into a local university anyway, but what matters to me is the company. Studying in university..the results after that to me now is not the point but I guess I'm looking more of the process? I do feel that my poly life was kinda boring.. like projects, study lor what else?

I left guitar club, and HS Club was nothing but more of a mess.. there wasn't anything that was really meaningful to me. And that's why I study.

Started studying and then grades are improving and duh anyone who understands my life..

if you started off with an aggregate score of 17 points for L1R4 raw, which isn't that good..

and you started studying in poly and then your grades are getting better. 

Your bestie is in a good school.. you wouldn't want your grades to come down. 

And that's why I'm currently struggling in school. 

  

                        

and everyday when I walk to sch, get back home I just feel like.......

Sometimes things get really disappointing, they are not in any control.
You can't control human's feelings and well sometimes reality do slap me hard enough in the face.
I'm sensitive; and I just hope people can be more sensitive of their attitude and maybe their words.
I'm not someone with a good temper to start with, so its normal for me to retaliate...
I really do hope people around me can just remember, 我并不是什么都ok.
I am a human afterall.