Life has been really really tiring.

Pretty much worn out trying to be there for everyone
Being someone whom I don't even know anymore
Just pretty much wearing a mask doing things that would make me feel better doing it for people.

Constant fearing that I will not be well-liked.
People may starting leaving me when I am also clear that I don't need everyone to be here in my life. I really know it doesn't matter and I've just gotta do me.
It hurts even more when you know what you need to know and you also know you're just trying to reach that but there's just no way for me to be there.
Times when I felt that people were just being themselves and I had to accommodate them to feel better of myself, I do wonder how do people just be themselves so easily. Why can't just be like them? So what if I'm not even myself and people are just getting annoyed with it, who would accept the real me?

I am selfish too.
When times are bad, when negativity and emotions are overwhelming, I felt a tinge of happiness by just imagining the worst. I hoped that the car I was in would just crash. And how nice if I could just end everything there and then. No more shit. Being mad irresponsible but I have issues following through. Do I really have the capabilities to solve what's ahead of me without having to give it up or cut it? It's never just about me. Do I really want to change another person? No. My heart wouldn't be hard enough. It would be on a vicious cycle on loop. But still, 我乐在其中. What else can I say?

Nothing.
Sleep it off.
Hoping that I don't remember about all these shit tomorrow.
Fucking hate being accused, not even for a tiny bit.



















I can't hold a hand that doesn’t hold me back.

Say that I am just sensitive 

It really sucks to be feeling as though you’re the only one holding on to everything.