Changes

I really dislike changes.
Recently I feel as though I gave up on myself (I still try to tell myself I did not)
or maybe I am just lost in life for this moment.
all the motivation directions in life just disappeared and here I am browsing through facebook and reading le bff's blog and then here I am.
Its not like I have exactly nothing to do..
school started and yup, means tutorials are back to normal.
of course during my holidays other than projects i basically did not touch my books at all.
tutorials are not done and yeah next week I have this presentation for business chinese
and i am so damn not prepared and i know i will be if i start on the work now but hell no
i just cant start doing up

I'm supposed to present...a speech ( which must be less than 3 minutes), in chinese (and thats not a problem to me cause I can speak better mandarin than english).
its the topic thats like, SUPER BORING.
When I thought the first test was over, and thats the end of the damn China history, the teacher still cant get enough of freaking china, and now we're zooming into the chinese culture.
Yes I do love chinese and basically everything about chinese like back to the primary and secondary school days I guess chinese was the easiest subject of all.
When we were supposed to select our selective module and we have different languages to choose from, its like japanese or chinese.
My interest is in Japanese but everyone else have been telling me its damn tough damn tough.
Your chinese isn't that bad so maybe business chinese is good.
Okay, yeah I know the chinese market in the future is like a wow thing but still the process still sucks.
I'm getting so sick and tired of the teaching talking non-stop about china's history and all.
I can't even get myself to prepare for the speech next week like I don't even want to think about it.
Initially wanted to go to the library and pick myself a chinese book and just bomb out a speech but  I can't even be bothered to go the library hah.
I'm getting so lazy and not motivated.

just like my business finance's tutor (he's a really nice guy) said, studying is never difficult when you have your motivation to study. True enough.
Been through done that experienced that! Motivation is really really a scary thing that it drives you to a level you never knew.

so when i'm just all alone I really do think what on earth happened to me
I guess I just lost faith in humans and I can't really care much like I used to be.
Nothing happened, no one did anything to me, its just me and myself.
oh welllllll
kinda miss the times lying on the girl's bed with her damn saddy bears all around and that small little fan on the wall turning and the sound of her keyboard and her mouse.
Feel as though I don't have to do anything I just lie there...
like how Olaf the snowman in Frozen dream about his summer days. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

"When life gets rough, I like to hold on to my dream,
Of relaxing in the summer sun, just lettin' off steam.
Oh the sky would be blue, and you guys will be there too"

and just as I was feeling moody and everything something came and brightened up my gloomy world

I swear I just smiled like a freaking retard but I don't care

GWIYOMIIIIIIIIIIIIII by such a big guy. 

AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA 

What else matters seriously what else matter

if my results ever drop then let it be I can't control it anyway.

No matter how much I'm mentally prepared for a lousier sets of results this coming sem, I know I'm still going to break down and well I'll be sad, it will be hard to pick myself up from this mess I know how negative I will become I know my friends will be there for me, I know its okay but guys

that feeling still suck. 

I hope I can take it easy. Like I've never expected much when I first entered and I'm starting to expecting more...

but oh well life goes on, as long as I have that one bestie giving me the best advices when I'm in doubt of my own moves and got lost.. I'm fine. Grateful for her existence and words, really. :*