it's just me.

and tada we're at the third week of school.
I can really feel the stress coming from all the tutorials and lecture notes.
like..I really really really really don't like it.
oh well.

so this week was kinda..wet.
ahahaha all i could remember are those rainy days and oh yes.

then...I finally got my cert for getting into the director's list yesterday.
I really think..it's either I'm lucky for getting the modules that seems easier for me to cope last sem..
or I really pushed myself to the maximum.
I know.
But to be honest because I'm here now, I'm afraid.
i don't know if anyone else here can understand how I feel now.
it's like.. I don't think I can ever cope and forgive myself if I ever drop out of the list the next semester.
It's like from cloud nine and you fall back on the ground. Hard.
and that's where all the pressure comes.
I don't want to fall.
I know it's not up to me to decide and control
I can't do anything about it but still that's the reason.
Especially when I'm saying these modules i'm taking right now I'm not so interested in it.
Then during the exams period next year I'll be busy with Chingay.
So what can I do.
Just gotta prepare myself for everything and take it easy.
but oh well
saying it is definitely easy but doing it is like...impossible.

And because I was so bothered about it I really needed some time alone in the bus thinking about it.
How I've changed.
will everything be different will I be happier if I didn't do as well as i did? 

I do remember myself being someone who doesn't give a damn about studies.
As long as I'm passing the subject it's fine.
Should I be happy that I'm asking so much from myself?
Or should I be sad that I'm getting so realistic about life.


I don't want myself to be like this.
It's not me anymore.

RESULTS ARE NOT EVERYTHING. 

 you don't know my story