You should read this.

WARNING 

THIS POST IS SUPER EMOTIONAL AND AGGRESSIVEDON'T READ IT IF YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T TAKE IT.

请不要对号入座! 

Really.
no one is obliged to change his or her lifestyle for anyone isn't it?
Even in a relationship.

When you dislike someone's behavior but you just can't leave that person alone?
What do you do?
You get that person to change his/her life into what you want?
If the fault that lies in that person is something everyone agrees, and you meant good for that person
oh well I guess it's alright for you to do something.
Like for example, smoking.
OK. that's approved.

But let's say you just kinda expect something, some commitment from someone.
Who is not even obliged to commit, cause she's no one to you like officially.
Yes, you may like her or even to the love part.
No one doubt you of your feelings.
But do you even realize that your actions are hurting her so much?
SO DAMN BLOODY MUCH?

Seriously.
Yes you can be super emotional and yeah you're just expressing yourself.
Do you even think through when you are thrashing your world out?
It's good that you tell her everything you think.
But have you ever thought that, all of these adds on as a burden to her?
You said you love her you want her and everything when you don't even accomplish the freaking basics.
I really wonder if you cared about how she felt.
Have she not expressed her desperation for you to let her off?
Never in her life did she ever beg someone to let her off.
YOU MEAN YOU DON'T FEEL HER DESPERATION??
Are you freaking serious about that?

How many times did I really have that urge to snatch her phone and reply you.
She respected you by not allowing me to do so.
But look at what you've done?
Now ask yourself, you deserve to have her?
After so much, you really think you deserve her?

I always have this doubt.
What to do when you can't even communicate properly as a friend, what will happen if you want to be a couple?
Okay fine you like her you can't control feelings yes i do understand that.
oh well that's YOUR feeling.
When you can't control such feelings, did it ever get to you that
YOU CAN'T FORCE FEELINGS TO DEVELOP?

I doubt it did right. if not things will never get into such state anyway.
Yes I don't know you and I don't want to know either.
I can't directly tell you how fucking angry I get whenever you try to find problems with her.
like seriously.
I really don't get it.

She's already on the verge of giving herself up.
Giving you whatever you want.
and to think that you're not even satisfied with that.
SO WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU EXACTLY WANT?

everything started cause she was good to you.
Yes she's good to everyone..cause no one ever expected things to be this way.
Isn't it a should-do to comfort a friend who needs it?
doesn't it feel freaking good when you thought you made a new good friend.
whom you can share your troubles, and talk to every night.
When things start to get out of control...you can't even regret.
why did things even get into such state?
Did she asked for it or..maybe she shouldn't be so nice to every one?
Shouldn't it be a good thing that...she have suitors?
Why are good things ruined this way?
Why isn't it going the way it's supposed to?

It's weird isn't it?
Everyone started from being friends..
then you go to good friends..
then when one party starts to cross over the line, you get rejected,
normally shouldn't it be a back-off or just friends thing?
at least better than nothing.

You don't know what you want.
then what's the purpose of making a fuss out of everything.
Not that she did not try making things clear to you, you have your reasons to hang in there.
I applaud for you persistence in this aspect.
But all you really really need to do is to understand her for who she is and compromise.
I'm serious.
I was thinking....if you weren't that possessive, unreasonable or maybe kinda emotional
i'm sure things won't be this way.

I can't say it to you, and this is the only way I can rant about this.
I care about her, and it really hurts to see my bestie suffer like this.
I can't take it.
Not the first time seeing her cry , but I find it totally not worth for her to be crying over such stuffs.
Not that she's sad, I guess it's really really really mad tiring for her trying to explain things to you,
afraid that you might not be able to take it.
When you said you wanted to commit suicide it's like wtf.
You don't ever joke about your life.
look just look.

I don't even know if you'll ever get to read this.
I know when you read this you won't be able to take it.
You'll be raging and yeah everything starts again.
But really, I know her best and shouldn't you reflect for a bit?
then you'll really know what went wrong.

ALL THE BEST TO YOU LAH.